Vulnerability and Catharsis

  • Catharsis is defined as the purging of the emotions of relieving of emotional tensions, especially through certain kinds of art, as tragedy or music.
  • Vulnerability capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon:

Growing up keeping everything in and then exploding was what I used to do. I wouldn’t call that catharsis. I’m more open now than I have ever been in my life. But now I’m also learning a new level of vulnerability to being open. I didn’t see this type of vulnerability happening in my life. But as I see more people struggling and hurting, vulnerability becomes that much more important, a responsibility. If my struggles can help someone not feel alone, to feel inspired, and not broken, then it’s so worth the transparency.

This definitely didn’t come easy, and I’m not even sure that I get it fully. I’ve been learning that it is okay to feel, God wants me to feel. Otherwise, how could my heart soften, how could I be used to comfort and encourage others, how could I grow in joy, love, and kindness, etc.? In addition to feeling, God wants me to talk to him. He wants me to tell him how I’m feeling. I’ve been stubborn. God used someone to teach me this.

I have every reason to allow God to be my protector and refuge. I have every reason to be transparent; to God and to others. Jesus lived that way even when he was hurt and betrayed, all the way to the cross.

I’ve learned this while feeling hurt and pain in waves; a consuming feeling of depression looking for a place to settle and make home. What other choice do I have but to fight through it? I can’t serve God and think it’s okay to stay in such a dark place- It’s too easy. I don’t think it’s okay- but really the problems in this world are bigger than me and if not me-then who? God needs ready and able workers walking in faith. I know what I came from and what I don’t go back to. My faith needs to grow and my fear needs to go. God will take His place. This really is a matter of life and death. (2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”)

I can choose to live and grow and heal the hard but safe way with God as my rock. Or I can die in darkness the easy way and not even put up a fight. I never want to go back to living a life of darkness, a life without God. I’ve been a product of that world and I’m trying to be a citizen of God’s kingdom.

God has BIG plans. He’s had plans before me. He has plans including me. I will not get in the way of what He is trying to do but instead allow myself to be used. After all, I did pray the prayer that breaks people. All I know is this world, this house, both physical body and loacation are not my home.

Romans 8:15-17 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but your received the spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

Romans 8:26, 27 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness…And he who searches our heart knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.